


John: Pester Vriska.

by vriskazone



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Gen, June Egbert (sort of), Pesterlog(s) (Homestuck), Vriska isn't really in this, but it's her that John's messaging
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-09-14
Updated: 2019-09-14
Packaged: 2020-10-18 06:42:12
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 682
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20634800
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/vriskazone/pseuds/vriskazone
Summary: John starts to come to the realization that he's a transgender woman, and decides to message an old friend, trying to put this realization into actual words.This is my first real fic I've written for people to see (which is why it's a bit short), and I'm basing much of John's feelings off of my own experience of being a trans woman, so if it's a bit rough I apologize.





	John: Pester Vriska.

\-- ectoBiologist [EB] began pestering arachnidsGrip [AG] \--

EB: hey vriska. 

EB: so, like, i know you probably won’t see this. 

EB: i don’t even know if you’re still alive. 

EB: i just felt like i should talk to you about this first. 

EB: i don’t even know why i feel that way. i mean, i only knew you for a day like ten years ago, and then again like seven? 

EB: by all rights i should be talking to terezi, or jade, or even rose. 

EB: but instead i feel like this pull to talk to you. 

EB: maybe it’s because i know that you probably won’t even see this, let alone respond. 

EB: anyways, i don’t think i’m a guy? 

EB: does that make sense? 

EB: oh what am i saying, trying to talk to a troll about human gender concepts does about as much good as talking to a rock. 

EB: this is stupid.

\-- ectoBiologist [EB] stopped pestering arachnidsGrip [AG] \--

\-- ectoBiologist [EB] began pestering arachnidsGrip [AG] \--

EB: hi again, vriska. 

EB: i slept on it, or to put it another way, i tossed and turned all night thinking. 

EB: so i think i’m just going to put it all out there. 

EB: i really don’t think i’m a boy. 

EB: like, at all. 

EB: i think i’ve known this on some level for a while now, but this feeling’s been consuming me nearly all the time ever since roxy came out. 

EB: oh, also roxy came out as non binary. 

EB: but yeah, the past few weeks have been pretty hard. also, i don’t mean to put any blame on them or anything, i’m in fact really happy for them, it’s just the whole thing put me into this deep intro spective mood. 

EB: i hope i don’t sound like a total ass. 

EB: i don’t know, maybe i’m just depressed, but it honestly doesn’t feel like that. 

EB: when i’m depressed, i just feel numb and alone and helpless. but this is something different. 

EB: it’s like, this weird, persistent discomfort with everything, physically, about me. 

EB: i haven’t left home in the past few weeks because i feel so uncomfortable in my clothes, and like i said, you’re the only person i’ve said any of this to. 

EB: if you asked me ten years ago to even try on a skirt or dress, i’d probably have laughed. but now, all i want to do is go out and just buy a fuckton of women’s clothes. 

EB: i mean, that’s not all i want to do. in general, my body just weirds me out now, like more than it probably should normally. 

EB: i’ve not been taking showers because of the mirror in my bathroom. it’s like it’s mocking me every time i look at it. i don’t really know if that makes any sense, but i don’t really have another way to put it. 

EB: so yeah, i’m not really sure the whole guy thing is really doing for me. 

EB: maybe i’m transgender? 

EB: but like, in every article i’ve read about transgender people, they always seem to have known since they were young, and i don’t remember ever feeling like i do now before, and that if i said i was transgender, that people would just say i’m faking it. 

EB: and yet, i’ve still got this gut feeling that my whole life is just wrong. does that make sense? 

EB: like the image of me as a guy is just all hollowed out. 

EB: i’m sorry for rambling on about what i could probably just summarize in a sentence or two. 

EB: tl dr: i think i’m a girl? or at least, the mental image of girl me is more pleasant than a guy me. 

EB: or maybe i’m just gay. 

EB: fuck, i don’t know. 

EB: you’ll probably never see this, but i think i just needed to put what i’m feeling into words before i talk to anyone else. 

EB: so, i guess thank you. 

EB: goodbye, vriska.

\-- ectoBiologist [EB] stopped pestering arachnidsGrip [AG] \--


End file.
